And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
