Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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