i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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