im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my sisters under your porch take her home
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it's like iHOP with fire
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
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