Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
