we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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