Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
