He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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