Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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