why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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