last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
