Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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