I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
