The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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