I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
