i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
