We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
