she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
