i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
