Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
jump out the window naked night went bad
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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