Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
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A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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