I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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