Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize