When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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