I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
