I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize