I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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