You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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