1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's the barista slut.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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