I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
