nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
