I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
