Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
