Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Everything about him screamed your future.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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