Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
