Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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