I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
