Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
