just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
