i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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