Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
