Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
