i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
