I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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