meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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