if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
soo... how was my night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
