after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize