Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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