Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
