do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
