I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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