You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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