My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
