I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
