escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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