You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
