i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
