Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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