he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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