Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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