Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
