Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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