First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
