i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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