I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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