I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
