dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
