she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sobbing to NWA
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
