cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
