I'm going to jail i love you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
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