I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize